The Official KRESKY Homepage


If no one believes your theory, it’s probably correct. · There’s somebody out there for everyone. Frequently it’s a stalker. · Stakeouts are quality time. · Blind people make excellent eyewitnesses. · Serial killers want to be caught. · Never trust a wealthy industrialist. · Wait at least an hour after eating before moving your groove thang. · Don’t have a junkie watch your car. · Trust your hunches; be wary of your gut feelings. · A monkey can answer the phone, but he really can’t be expected to take messages. · My Miranda Rights. · Bodybuilders are often retarded. · Nothing stinks worse than a rotten cop—except perhaps the bloated, week-old corpse of one. · Guns don’t kill people. Deranged transvestites do. · Assume everything is a trap. · Always let a friend know when you’re planning a weekend trip to that isolated, rattlesnake-infested canyon. · Honky’s hustle ain’t got no muscle. · A blunt object applied to the back of the head is a safe and effective sedative. · Bad guys come in multi-ethnic trios. · Everyone on Earth has an exact duplicate—and they’re usually evil. · Your former lovers are doomed. · No rough-housing around the classic Mustang. · Mess with a Zen man and you’ll find out what the sound of one hand clapping is. · Don’t do it. They’re not worth it. · Relatives—particularly ones you’ve never heard of before—have a habit of showing up unexpectedly and dumping their troubles on you. · Don’t leave home without a back-up piece. · The atomic weight of argon is 39.948. · Pursuers are baffled by merry-go-rounds. · No one is above the law—unless they’re avenging the brutal murder of a loved one. · Ventriloquists are deeply disturbed people. · Life is a "To Be Continued". · Crime lords like people who "got spunk". · You must have serious attitude to pull off the colors avocado, mustard and tangerine. · One of the stages of grief is beach-combing. · Things blow up. Deal with it. · It is actually possible to "fleece a pigeon." · If your tires don’t squeal, you’re not driving fast enough. · Conspiracies go all the way to the top. · If need be, a person can survive for several weeks on just Pez and water. · Most fatal accidents in the Big House occur in the laundry room. · The state bird of West Virginia is the cardinal. · It’s not your imagination—that Buick is following you. · Chicks dig hot tubs. · Ain’t no sidewalks in Bel-Air. · Everybody needs a nemesis. · Nam was a bad scene. · Elderly grocers are the number one target of extortionists. · Only evil people have Swiss bank accounts. · Consider your friend’s driving record before loaning them your car. · You can never truly know a person until you’re shackled together at the ankle and hunted through a swamp by dogs. · Stay out of parking garages. · Don’t live in a flashback. There’s a reason why the past is in soft-focus. · When you’re walking a tightrope in the dark and each step you take could be your last, it’s important to have some hip threads. · Don’t accept a ‘night cap’ from someone you’ve just met. · In case of disco inferno, stop, drop and boogie. · Figure out who’s going to play the bad cop before going into the interrogation room. · The lowest form of life known to science is the scum that preys on children. · Liquor before beer, never fear. Smack before blow, down you go. · There’s a lot of downsizing in the rat, stoolie and snitch fields. · It’s poor taste to haggle with a kidnapper. · If you’re being chased, you really don’t have time to stop at a phone booth. · There’s never a guardrail around when you need one. · A Mob funereal only requires one pallbearer—to slam the trunk. · Bartenders are lonely, forgetful people who like to talk to money. · When defusing a bomb, be impulsive. · Nothing goes with surveillance like Chinese take-out. · Save some funk for Sunday. ·

* Not affiliated with any of the following "Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From…" works: "…Kindergarten", "…Star Trek", "…Star Wars", "…Babylon 5", "…My Dog", "…My Cat", "…NASCAR", "…WWF", "…WCW", "…Hockey", "…Boy Scouts", "…Camp" "…Sid and Marty Krofft", "…Dr. Seuss" or any other products bearing the "Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From…" name. Any similarity with the aforementioned works is purely coincidental.

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"The Official Kresky Homepage" © Timothy J. Madison 1997, 1999. All rights reserved.